Saying Goodbye

It's hard to think that just two short months ago I thought I had it all; I had the husband, the daughter I always wanted and the life I thought I knew.

Fast forward to the day he tells me that he's not happy and it's "not working anymore", and that he's been seeing a girl he was seeing two years ago -- again... AGAIN. I thought he was joking, I thought I was dreaming - fuck it, it doesn't matter what I thought, I was wrong. No matter how hard I tried, I begged and prayed to whatever god I thought would listen, they didn't and my life was shit.

I did all the stages rather quick - a LOT faster than I thought I would:

1. Denial: It can't be real, it can't be true! He still loves us, he's just got something wrong with him, he's lying to me, he doesn't know what hes saying!
2. Anger: This time, the cops were called, I was mad he really was seeing her [(kayla) and no fuck off, I'm not capitalizing that dirty infested cunt bags name]. I was angry, I hit him, he hit me, simple as that. HE took off, he left us. He decided to leave his daughter and I for HER.
3. Bargaining: I BEGGED him, I pleaded "I'll do ANYTHING, PLEASE", literally thought anything would make it better - like a dumb ass, not sure why I bothered at this point.
4. Depression: I'm pretty sure I'm out of this stage? I mean sometimes I get sad about the fact that my relationship with someone for the last ten years is over. I can't go back, I can't change the past, but at this point, why would I want to? I know the type of person her father is, now I do anyway, so why would I want to be in a relationship with him again when it's so toxic?
5. Acceptance: Yeah -- I accept that I'm going through a divorce and that he's a royal pain in my ass that he will be for the next 50 years I'll have to deal with him because my daughter is my life. I'll get over it, and I'll bet that he'll do this again. He's one of those people that will never ever be happy and I don't really feel the need to try anymore with him. This is what it is, I can't change it, mend it or even attempt to fix any part of it, I am okay with it at this point.

What I do care about is, Hadley. HER. I have been threatened that she will be taken away from me by a moron who thinks just because he has the 'money' that he has the power. Well, he has another thing coming. I can guarantee that I will have her, it's not a control thing for me - it is for him. I want her because I do. I'm her mother and my need to be around her is stronger than his is. He's seen her a grand total of four times in the last month and a half. by HIS CHOICE.

Being nice is hard, I mean generally I'm a nice person - get along with everyone, usually kiss asses and make people happy, but with him, it's like I'm pulling my own teeth out with a pair of tweezers and a nail file. I guess what I'm trying to say in this post is that, no matter how hard you try, you cant make everyone happy. You have to do what's right in your heart for you and for your family. In my case, that's my Hadley. and I'm okay with being poor for now and having my daughter, because her love -- is more than anyone can give me -- ever.